Page 23 - Senior Link Magazine Spring 2024 - Online Magazine

SENIOR RESOURCES SENIOR RESOURCES

BREAKING UP WITH

ExpEctations

by: Jill Rinehart, LPC-A (Bereavement Counselor with Hope from Ashes Counseling) Shelly Thompson, MEd, LPC-S, CFRC

For me, it begins all the way back in If this sounds like someone you care decisions need to be made right now
August: our August 5th anniversary, about, have grace for them. Realize that but allow them time to adjust and share
followed by our son’s birthday, my grief is not something that passes with their own reflections of the holidays
husband’s birthday, our daughter’s time but remains with us forever—often without your shared person.
birthday, and my birthday. Then comes as a gentle reminder of the people we
Halloween (which is a big deal in our love but sometimes as crashing waves Then, take time to rest and recover.
family), Thanksgiving, Christmas, New that threaten to take us under. Realize Take time to do those things that
Year’s, Valentine’s Day—not to mention that grieving individuals do the best fill you. Remember your loved one
the extended family birthdays in- they can with each holiday, whether without the craziness and pressure
between all the rest. this is the first year or the tenth. Let of the holidays. Take a break from
them know you see how hard it is for expectations and just be.
By March, I just want to stop and catch them, let them know you are still here,
my breath. Don’t get me wrong, I and let them know you feel the loss too. If you find you cannot rest, that you
absolutely love celebrating my loved cannot catch your breath because the
ones, but with celebrations come For the grieving, realize that holidays waves of grief are pummeling you
expectations—expectations others are often a secondary loss to death, without relief, it may be time to seek
place upon us or those we place upon the loss of a loved one’s presence at support. Seek out a grief group or a
ourselves. the holidays and all the traditions they bereavement counselor.
were a part of. Allow yourself to grieve
Expectations can be particularly difficult those losses and share your loss with Even though each grief journey is
to navigate when we are grieving. We someone who will simply listen. unique, you do not have to walk alone.
skip a traditional family gathering that
might have been overwhelming; we When you are ready,
give money or forego presents because evaluate the holiday
we did not have the mental capacity to season. Look back
go shopping; and we shed tears while at what brought
listening to a special holiday song. you joy, what filled
you. It may be
All of these are healthy, natural ways of something small, but
coping with grief, but some of us may jot down anything
find them difficult to accept, especially you want to hold
if we are unable to be ourselves. onto for the future.
Then consider what
If this was you this holiday season, was painful, what
extend yourself some grace. drained you. Make
note of those things,
Let go of any guilt you may feel too. It might be they
about not living up to someone else’s were just painful this
expectations or, perhaps, even your season, or they might
own expectations. Remember this was be something that
only one season. Realize that even if needs to be changed
this holiday season was, well, crummy, going forward,
it does not mean every holiday season something you need
will be. Do your best to extend yourself to let go of. Share
grace and let go of those Clark Griswold your thoughts with
type expectations. those who are a part
of your holidays. No

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