Page 36 - Senior Link Magazine Winter 2018- Online Magazine

HONORING SENIORS

Life, Death

and Children:

The Importance of Open Communication

by Sydney Wenglein

It is a conversation we neither want to think about because they are oriented with their senses. Children tend
nor anticipate having with children. Death and dying to model those around them, and this certainly holds
are often seen as taboo subjects in modern society, so true for the expression of emotions. Countless times, I
we are quick to avoid them if given the opportunity. have seen fear prevent families from having important,
However, the importance of having candid, transparent transparent, emotion-filled conversations about the
conversations about bereavement is crucial in the healing process of dying. Neglecting to talk about the subject
process. These conversations are critical, especially when leads to children disconnecting from their own emotions.
working with children. They assume conversation about death or dying must not
be safe, appropriate, or acceptable, since the parents are
In my work as a bereavement therapist, I frequently meet not discussing it.
parents who have questions regarding how to talk about
death and dying to their children. I have often asked what Behavioral issues can arise, stemming from the frustration
the obstacle is to an open and honest discussion. The of children who haven’t been given an opportunity
answer usually sounds like this: “I don’t want to upset to experience or talk about the reality around them.
them/scare them/worry them.” Adults sometimes avoid Ironically, when parents present with concerns about
having the challenging conversation altogether, in order their children neither talking nor showing emotion, it
to prevent a reaction they fear. often turns out that the parents have done the same thing!
They themselves have avoided the conversation about
It is important to understand that children, no matter their dying or deceased loved one, and they are shielding
the age, orient themselves with their five senses. When their own raw emotions from everyone. So, naturally, it
we share experiences with them, they make sense of is expected that the child(ren) would copy that behavior.
the world as they see, hear, touch, smell, or taste it for
themselves. Their senses connect them to the reality There really is no one right or wrong way to talk about
around them. This inclusion is particularly important death, dying, and grief. Following is a breakdown of
in the hospice setting because, so often, parents shield age-appropriate expectations for children around a dying
their children from the dying loved one and barely or deceased loved one that can be helpful in initiating
acknowledge what is going on, even though children are conversations. When we initiate the conversation, we are
very perceptive of what is happening. doing our children a service and modeling for them that
emotions are normal, and death is a sad but real part of
When children can be exposed to and are encouraged life. It is helpful to normalize the unfair, sad events that
to see, touch, and talk to a patient, whether alive or occur in life, and by sharing that with our children, we are
deceased, they are able to make sense of their own reality helping them to heal.

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