Page 37 - Senior Link Magazine Fall 2017 - Online Magazine
P. 37
Grandkids and Grandparents:
IT’S ALL ABOUT BEING WHO YOU ARE
BY JESS PETERSON
Have you ever wondered why it is that We still find much value in doing during this
grandparents and grandkids seem to get along stage but begin to slow down some and think
better than kids and parents? Perhaps it has a lot about who we will be in older age.
to do with where they are in life. And finally, elderhood, as in childhood,
Dr. William H. Thomas, in his insightful book brings a time when being is more important than
What Are Old People For?, lays out an interesting doing. That doesn’t mean that we stop doing,
analysis of the human life cycle which involves but what we “do” stems more from “who” we
an interplay between the states of “doing” are. I have noticed this about myself since I
and “being”. Dr. Thomas postulates that, in retired. Instead of rushing around just to “get
childhood, the “being” state takes precedence things done”, I find myself enjoying things that
over the “doing” state. In other words, children are more about who I am, instead of stressing
are not so concerned with what they do—defined over things that someone else wants done. And
as “relating with and manipulating the visible I can move through those things at a different
and material world around them”. Instead they pace than I did in the doing stage of life.
are just being who they are, enjoying those So, looking at the five stages, you see that
“invisible and intangible” things that make up childhood and elderhood both emphasize
life. They are just “being” kids and “play” is a “being” over “doing”. As a result, a mutual
good word. attraction exists. A number of studies tend to
As one moves into adolescence, things change. recognize this relationship between the young
Being and doing are more equal states. The teen and the old, especially with grandparents and
begins to think about what he or she will “do grandchildren.
when I grow up.” How will I occupy my time? Thomas states, “Watching older and younger
How will I care for my physical needs? What people together, one gets the sense of a secret
type of job will I have? And time is spent in (or at least submerged) collusion that excludes
preparation for the doing stage of life. adults.” This collusion is aided by a different
Adulthood is heavily involved with doing. approach to time. For the child, time is not
Time is soaked up with being “busy” instead important. For the elder, time is modified by a
of being who you are. This involves time and change in priorities.
effort spent in employment, raising a family, So, enjoy this time of “being” brought about
accumulating and taking care of possessions, by the wisdom of your years. And enjoy that
and saving for college or retirement. Play has special relationship with children. It’s again ok
now become a bad word and work is now to play!
what matters. Even the stay-at-home mom is
described as a home “maker” or a “house” wife
and emphasis is on what she does to contribute
her portion to the family goals. The closest that
the adult comes to the state of being, according
to Thomas, is the annual vacation, but even
those times are so busy that one has to “unwind”
afterwards by getting back to work (doing).
As we begin to prepare for retirement,
the states of being and doing again begin to
equalize. Thomas calls this stage senescence,
which simply means “growing into old age”.
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