Page 37 - Senior Link Magazine Fall 2017 - Online Magazine
P. 37

Grandkids and Grandparents:





                            IT’S ALL ABOUT BEING WHO YOU ARE



                                                            BY JESS PETERSON

                     Have  you  ever  wondered  why  it  is  that      We still find much value in doing during this
                   grandparents and grandkids seem to get along        stage but begin to slow down some and think
                   better than kids and parents? Perhaps it has a lot   about who we will be in older age.
                   to do with where they are in life.                      And  finally,  elderhood,  as  in  childhood,
                      Dr. William H. Thomas, in his insightful book    brings a time when being is more important than
                   What Are Old People For?, lays out an interesting   doing. That doesn’t mean that we stop doing,
                   analysis of the human life cycle which involves     but what we “do” stems more from “who” we
                   an  interplay  between  the  states  of  “doing”    are.  I  have  noticed  this  about  myself  since  I
                   and  “being”.  Dr.  Thomas  postulates  that,  in   retired. Instead of rushing around just to “get
                   childhood,  the  “being”  state  takes  precedence   things done”, I find myself enjoying things that
                   over the “doing” state. In other words, children    are more about who I am, instead of stressing
                   are not so concerned with what they do—defined      over things that someone else wants done. And
                   as “relating with and manipulating the visible      I can move through those things at a different
                   and material world around them”. Instead they       pace than I did in the doing stage of life.
                   are  just  being  who  they  are,  enjoying  those      So,  looking  at  the  five  stages,  you  see  that
                   “invisible and intangible” things that make up      childhood  and  elderhood  both  emphasize
                   life. They are just “being” kids and “play” is a    “being”  over  “doing”.  As  a  result,  a  mutual
                   good word.                                          attraction  exists. A  number  of  studies  tend  to
                      As one moves into adolescence, things change.    recognize this relationship between the young
                   Being and doing are more equal states. The teen     and the old, especially with grandparents and
                   begins to think about what he or she will “do       grandchildren.
                   when I grow up.” How will I occupy my time?           Thomas states, “Watching older and younger
                   How will I care for my physical needs? What         people together, one gets the sense of a secret
                   type  of  job  will  I  have? And  time  is  spent  in   (or at least submerged) collusion that excludes
                   preparation for the doing stage of life.            adults.”  This  collusion  is  aided  by  a  different
                      Adulthood  is  heavily  involved  with  doing.   approach  to  time.  For  the  child,  time  is  not
                   Time  is  soaked  up  with  being  “busy”  instead   important. For the elder, time is modified by a
                   of being who you are. This involves time and        change in priorities.
                   effort  spent  in  employment,  raising  a  family,    So, enjoy this time of “being” brought about
                   accumulating  and  taking  care  of  possessions,   by  the  wisdom  of  your  years. And  enjoy  that
                   and  saving  for  college  or  retirement.  Play  has   special relationship with children. It’s again ok
                   now  become  a  bad  word  and  work  is  now       to play!
                   what  matters.  Even  the  stay-at-home  mom  is
                   described as a home “maker” or a “house” wife
                   and emphasis is on what she does to contribute
                   her portion to the family goals. The closest that
                   the adult comes to the state of being, according
                   to  Thomas,  is  the  annual  vacation,  but  even
                   those times are so busy that one has to “unwind”
                   afterwards by getting back to work (doing).
                         As  we  begin  to  prepare  for  retirement,
                   the  states  of  being  and  doing  again  begin  to
                   equalize.  Thomas  calls  this  stage  senescence,
                   which  simply  means  “growing  into  old  age”.








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